It just gets weirder and weirder

Today started out normal enough. I woke up, dragged myself out of bed. Felt groggy. Dropped my kid off at school. Got to work, and had the strangest text conversation with my mom. We are both vegetarian. We are pretty close – ok very Gilmore Girls-ish close and both have had irritating colds for the past couple weeks. We exchanged back and forth a couple sentences and then I said – I don’t know life might be easier if I just ate a couple chunks of turkey. Then she said that she’d been thinking the same thing lately, and she is really tired of making them 2 different dinners. I told her I was seriously considering eating meat again. She told me she had been thinking the same thing for the past few weeks. Neither of us said anything until now. 

See, Back in January I accidentally ate some chicken at a party. I didn’t get sick to my stomach and moved onto continue my just shy of 20 (yes 20) years as a vegetarian. 

Then I started this whole macros diet. The emphasis is essentially on protein. Protein is something that I should have paid close attention to as a vegetarian from the beginning. I took the approach as a kid stuck in summer school. I did the homework-I read a book or two about becoming a vegetarian. I decided to become one and I rather immaturely and lazily disregarded all the information I read for nearly 20 years. 

This new found focus on more protein, more fat and less carbs has proven to be difficult, while at the same time the more protein I eat, the more full I feel, the less cravings I have the better I feel. I started to get frustrated with my decision to be a vegetarian. In some ways I felt it was “too late” my body doesn’t know how to process meat anymore. But seriously, in all honesty I can’t keep it up. I’m exhausted. I catch colds from people before they even had the cold I caught from them somehow. I lack motivation, comcentration and strength at times. I am always always hungry. I am sick of being sick. I am sick of feeling tired. I am sick of feeling hungry.

My mom asked, “why are you a vegetarian?” 

“Because I was sick of eating meat”

I asked her the same. Her answer, “I felt that I was choosing a healthier lifestyle”

In all honesty, there is nothing healthy about what we have done for nearly 20 years. We haven’t truly followed a proper and safe vegetarian diet. We haven’t provided our bodies with nutrition that supports our lifestyles. We have honestly just half-assed and unsuccessful dieted our way through 2 decades and are still overweight, and essentially nutritionally deficient. 

I said, “fuck it- I’m going to go to the salad bar on lunch and buy a little chicken and eat it” my reasoning as to starting with chicken had no basis of real information, aside from my dogs had been prescribed boiled chicken breast when they had upset stomachs. I read somewhere to eat probiotics to aid digestion. I saw probiotics were $18.99 at the store, and bought a Siggi’s yogurt instead. I figured it was the best quality yogurt. 

I went back to work, assembled my salad and willingly knowingly ate chicken for the first time in almost 20 years. It’s over now. I’m going back, I can’t take suffering and feeling like shit every damn day when all I have to do is eat a god damned hunk of meat. 

So here goes the vegetarian. It was novel, it made me feel as though I was doing a good thing, but God help me and pass the meatballs.


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